2002 Viper GTS ACR
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2002 Viper GTS ACR |
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October 13, 2002Love it or hate it, the Dodge Viper has to be one of the most identifiable cars in the world. It is a contemporary motoring icon. As an added bonus, it has truly gargantuan testicles.
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My brief foray into the Viper world began when I needed to change out one of my work trucks for a new model. I drove down to the Dodge dealership to pick out a replacement and while there stumbled across an enormous yellow bicep taking up an unreasonable number of square feet in the showroom. This particular car was the ACR version of the GTS Viper, ACR standing for American Club Racer. Another acronym that immediately sprung to mind was MHA.....which stands for 'must have accessory'.Basically, the ACR Viper is a street legal Viper racing car. For an extra ten grand over and above the common or garden GTS you get a few extra badly needed (sic) horses, bigger brakes, a couple of lightweight panels, bigger wheels and some cool five point seat belts. I think they do something different with the front suspension and the back axle as well, although to be honest I don't remember all of it. What I do know is that I had to own this ridiculous car.
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I picked out a new truck and told the salesman that I would be back the following day to pick it up. I also said that at the time I picked the truck up he needed to a run a number at me on the Viper and that I would probably take that too.The next day dawned and I turned up at the dealership to collect my truck. Once we had exchanged keys and handshakes, I asked what deal he had come up with for me on the Viper. Somewhat startled, he said "I didn't realise you were serious about the Viper!" Having suggested to the salesman that he should consider 'don't judge a book by its cover' school, I told him the deal I wanted and for him to call me when he had arranged it. Sure enough, late Friday afternoon (the next day) he invited me down to the dealership to collect my ACR Viper.
I actually picked the car up on Saturday and drove it the 20 or so miles home through fairly heavy traffic. Surprisingly, the Viper wasn't at all difficult to drive. The clutch was no heavier than an E Type and really my only concern was that the car seemed to be incredibly wide. Maybe the amount of money I had just spent on it added to its perceived width, but in any event the drive home was uneventful. I did think the temp gauge was running a little high in traffic, although I really didn't know what to expect. Needless to say, with every hint of a gap in the traffic I lowered my right foot as far as my surroundings would safely allow. Having got home safely, I decided to head out very early the following morning at a time which would virtually guarantee that I would have the roads to myself. The anticipation was killing me - something akin to having a date the following day with a supermodel...
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in the mirror are shrinking fast! |
The next morning I got up even earlier than usual and took the yellow bicep off into the Texas hill country for a little early morning exercise. Surprisingly, I found myself somewhat disappointed. Make no mistake, this was obviously a very, very fast car, but it somehow didn't seem that fast. I then put a call into Andy E Type which led to me taking him out for an impromptu Sunday morning test drive. When I told Andy that I was concerned that the car wasn't as fast as I had been expecting, he kindly offered the opinion that I was obviously clincially insane......or words to that effect. With a bad weather front closing in on us, I decided to put the car away for the rest of the day.The next morning I persuaded Mrs M that it would be perfectly safe for her to travel in to work with me. After a frustrating 20 minutes adjusting and fastening my terrified passenger's five point racing harness, we finally pulled out of the garage and headed for CJ. Almost immediately, I knew something was wrong. The car felt like the plugs were fouled so I decided to give it a bit of an Italian tune up, which seemed to help a little. To cut a long story short, as I was pulling into the CJ parking lot, the 'check engine light' came on and I was beginning to fear the worst. Perhaps Viper Racing Yellow was an appropriate colour for my 95 grand lemon?
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To this point, I believe I had put about 70 miles on my Viper during my 36 hours of ownership. After arranging to have it taken to the dealership on a flatbed, I was shocked to hear a couple of hours later that whomever had built my engine had apparently neglected to install any valve seals. I basically told the dealership that they must own the car again before they started pulling the heads off. Accordingly, sales contracts were torn up and my briefly held membership of the Viper Owners Club was over.It has taken me a couple of weeks to report on the Viper incident because, frankly, I have been at something of a loss what to do about a replacement for the yellow monster. When I had told my incredibly understanding wife that I was about to buy the Viper, she only asked me one question. "Are you sure this is the car you want. You have previous convictions for getting a car because you felt the one you really wanted was out of reach". I told her that the only other contemporary car I lusted after more was a Ferrari 360 F1 Spider, but that it was twice as much money as the Viper. After watching me mope around for two weeks following the demise of the Dodge, she came to me and actually recommened that I place an order for a new 360 F1 Spider. Did I marry the right woman, or what?
I am told that I have at least one year (possibly two) to wait for my new Ferrari. Although I haven't made a final decision on colour yet, I can tell you that it will not be Fly Yellow.
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